TAUNTON, Mass. — Local man Patrick Kelly surprised friends and family with his supposed “authentic” pronunciation of common Mexican foods after a week-long vacation in Cancún, annoyed sources confirmed.
“It’s really nice to get away and be immersed in another culture. I feel like a new hombre. The people I met, the food, it was a life-changing experience,” said Kelly, who spent the entire week inside the grounds of Temptation Cancun Resort. “I had this waiter I’ll never forget, I think his name was Raul, or maybe it was Juan, I’m not really sure. But he challenged me to expand my tastebuds. Instead of opting for mild salsa with my nachos, I went with hot, and it was tough at first. My mouth felt like it was on fire, but it made me feel like an Aztec warrior with every bite. If I can handle Mexican spice I can handle anything.”
Friends of Kelly say he has been even more insufferable since he returned from his trip.
“I suggested we go to Taco Bell for dinner one night and he told me it’s actually pronounced like ‘tee-ya-co’ and told me that’s fake Mexican food and suggested I try something authentic like Chiptole,” said former roommate Danny Sullivan. “The worst part is he tried ordering in Spanish. The girl behind the counter didn’t know what he was trying to say, and he kept trying to roll his Rs but he would just end up spitting all over the glass. He eventually gave up and just pointed at the beans he wanted, which he kept calling ‘free-jolls’ by the way.”
Nithya Choudhury, a linguist and dialect coach, says it’s not uncommon for people to pick up certain phrases after a vacation.
“We’ve all had that friend who did a semester abroad in England and came home and started calling elevators a ‘lift’ or using the word ‘cunt’ all the time,” said Choudhury. “These people are often the dumbest people in your friend group. They are the people who haven’t read a book since they were forced to for summer reading in middle school, and this is the only way they can attempt to appear smart. Yes, it never works, and often it makes them look dumber. But try not to laugh at them. Just nod, and if they correct your pronunciation just say ‘thank you’ and move on. They need this.”
At press time, Kelly was seen yelling ‘“Go home!” at a group of day laborers outside of a nearby Home Depot.
Photo by Derek Horstmeyer.