WASHINGTON — President Trump commented on the appearance of the Statue of Liberty calling it a “six, at best” during a press conference on the Isareli-Palestinian conflict, sources who are surely trapped in a fever dream reported.
“Look at what the radical left has done to our once great country. You look at Lady Liberty who should be beautiful but is really like a six on a good day and it’s so sad,” said Trump to a bewildered press corps. “Perhaps we should look into making her beautiful again. We can give her a tremendous smile. Women always look better when they smile, don’t they? They love to smile, the women. But not so much anymore with what Crooked Joe did to the price of eggs. The women aren’t smiling anymore, you know? But you look and see that perhaps we’ll even give the statue a little more cleavage. I know Hegseth would like that, wouldn’t you?”
White House staffers say this is not the first time the president has commented on the Statue of Liberty’s physical appearance.
“He’s been talking about it for like a week. Cabinet members keep trying to get him to focus on these real issues but he just keeps interrupting and saying things like how ‘she would really look a lot better if we painted her gold, don’t you think?’ He also kept mentioning that she was an immigrant from France, perhaps undocumented. We’re all so confused,” said junior staffer Trent Lubbard. “He had me look up how to put eyeliner on the face of the statue somehow. He said they could probably do it from a helicopter. He’s a great man and I believe in his vision but even I sometimes wonder if this was all a huge mistake.”
Conservative pundit Karl Strungis says Trump has every right to change the appearance of the statue.
“As commander-in-chief with complete immunity, Trump is well within his constitutional right to modify in any way the Statue of Liberty, or really any national landmark for that matter,” said Strungis. “He can go ahead and make the statue look like Ivanka, or have his own face engraved onto the Vietnam Memorial for all I care as long as he distracts the general public long enough for the adults in the room to push through our agenda.”
At press time, Trump said to reporters that he was looking into doing something about “that real haggy-looking lady” on the Susan B. Anthony coin.