Tim Graham
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BAGHDAD — Historians recently discovered a sternly worded document from Senator Chuck Schumer’s ancestor that amounted to a “tepid appeal”…
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Alfred Barnes
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BALTIMORE — Local slob Bud Brokert attempted to defy the odds by devouring a meatball sub while wearing his last…
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Rachel Hein
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NEW YORK — An artificial intelligence system confirmed Monday that it has entered the race for People magazine’s annual “Sexiest…
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Bobby Korec
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POTTSVILLE, Pa. — Local couple Jules Rainier and Victor Trembino welcomed a newborn baby in a last-ditch effort to save…
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Mimi Kenny
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BOSTON — Local Bostonian Shawn Williams is still as much of an asshole as any other 47-year-old white male in…
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Sean Fallon
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WASHINGTON — The White House announced the debut of a non-woke version of Jesus Christ called John America, confirmed sources.…
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Charles Bill
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PHOENIX, Ariz. — A somber Erika Kirk took a quiet, personal moment to mourn her late husband with only six…
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Brian Wishart
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WASHINGTON — Robert F. Kennedy Jr. revised the recommended amount of cigarettes children should smoke daily from zero to no…
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Violet Meeker
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BOSTON — Local punk hibachi chef Joey “Skunk” Robins reportedly hucks cigarette butts into the mouths of customers as opposed…
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Ben Friedman
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NEW YORK — “The Tonight Show” host Jimmy Fallon shocked the comedy world after revealing he has voluntarily joined ICE…
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