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Scene Unity? Army Navy Surplus Store Merges With Spirit Halloween

APPLETON, Wis. — The recent business merger of spooktacular megacorporation Spirit Halloween and the local Army Navy surplus store in Appleton, Wisconsin created a sense of scene unity that hasn’t been felt in the region since the early oughts, seasonal sources confirmed.

“We are very excited about this groundbreaking new merger. Finally, Wisconsin goths will be able to buy their overly thick combat boots and Jack Skellington face paint all in the same place,” proclaimed Spirit Halloween executive Gorgon Aloysius. “And this will be great for the rest of the community as well, because that abandoned Ross Dress For Less that we’re tossing all of our inventory into for the next two and a half months next to the surplus store has just been wasted real estate until now.”

Local promoter and frequent Army Navy customer Barry Shoreware reacted to news of the merger with cautious optimism.

“I mean, it does seem pretty convenient. I do end up getting a lot of decorations for horror punk DIY shows by fishing around in the Spirit dumpsters during the first week of November, so it would be great to kill two birds with one stone and also scavenge some surplus gas masks for crust punk shows at the same time,” observed Shoreware. “I’m on board as long as we are wary about how far this goes with other seasonal holiday-based establishments. I don’t wanna wake up one day to find out that my favorite heroin buying dumpster is now sharing its space with a Christmas tree lot.”

Financial guru Felicity Felinmeyer provided more detail on mergers in the larger business world.

“Sometimes it just makes sense to combine businesses under one banner – it’s easier to share resources, consolidate a customer base and even keep the fucking city inspector off your proverbial tax-dick for a second,” said Felinmeyer. “And beyond that, sometimes some pretty amazing things truly come out of mergers. I swear, a Pizza Hut and a KFC both inside of a Taco Bell – it’s the stuff dreams are made of.”

At press time, many elderly Army Navy customers, who formerly protested the merger, announced their support following their discovery of the “costumes for everything but they’re sexy” section of the store.

Photo by SeichanGant.