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Punk Girlfriend Confused Why “Boyfriend Jeans” Aren’t Skinny Black Cut-Offs

AUSTIN, Texas — Local punk Brittany Metz stopped dead in her tracks in front of a Gap store earlier today upon seeing a display of “boyfriend jeans” that weren’t just a pair of skinny black cut-offs, according to several eyewitnesses.

“I have a boyfriend, and he definitely does not wear those,” said Metz. “I’ve actually never even seen the part of his legs between where his cut-offs end and his little canvas shoes begin covered by fabric. This just doesn’t add up.”

Metz’s boyfriend, straight edge vegan and “freelance, sort of” bike messenger Griffin Davis, blames himself for the confusion — yet stands by his girlfriends’ insistence that the name is misleading.

“Loose jeans are for dudes who do lame shit like rollerblade in the ’90s or work at jobs,” said Davis. “I don’t do that stuff, but I’m still a great boyfriend in a lot of ways, and those other, big-ass ‘boyfriend’ jeans should respect that about me.”

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While many retailers market “boyfriend jeans” to women for their relaxed fit, Metz hopes the Gap will consider the other types of boyfriends whose jeans a woman might want to wear. Employees, however, offered only cautious optimism.

“At the Gap, we pride ourselves on selling quality denim that fits well and looks cool on anyone,” Gap employee Renee Rios said during her smoke break. “But I’m given a discount to say that, and I don’t have a boyfriend, so what the fuck do I know?”

Sources report Metz did find jeans suited to her needs and body type, along with a jacket called “the boyfriend blazer” — which, also to her surprise, was not a hoodie covered in poorly-sewn patches and holes.

“I guess it all makes sense now that I know why they call them that… but, honestly, I would never wear pants called ‘boyfriend jeans’ anyway,” she said. “It just makes me think of how much Grif’s cut-offs always smell like piss and ball sweat.”

Photo by Courtney Paige Barnett

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