CLEVELAND — Officials at the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame’s Elvis Presley exhibit announced they will be copying the exact layout of the African…
WASHINGTON—Senator Dianne Feinstein (D-CA) was briefly hospitalized earlier this week after a reported altercation with legendary vampire hunter Van Helsing, multiple Beltway insiders confirmed. “Oh,…
PITTSBURGH — Popular language learning app, Duolingo announced they will be adding a new “Eddie Vedder” course to their catalog designed to help members learn…
DANVERS, Mass. — An especially deep stage dive by local Garry Beverling established contact with long-fabled unsettling bioluminescent punks who thrive down there, sources confirmed…
PRESCOTT, Ariz. — Local metal enthusiast Griff Nilsson asked his doctor to adjust the persistent ringing in his ears to a pitch that was more…
LINCOLN, Neb. — Local post-punk revival band Shadow Impaction played to a record 128 mostly unwilling patrons at Frankie’s Den following a local tornado warning…
BOISE, Idaho — Up-and-coming band Settler’s Pit are desperately trying to sell their kidneys to pay for gas just one week into their first full…
Nickelback Firmly Insists No AI Helped Write New Concept Album About Quantum Physics and Geopolitics
Nickelback Firmly Insists No AI Helped Write New Concept Album About Quantum Physics and Geopolitics
HANNA, Alberta — Rock band Nickelback reportedly dismissed swirling rumors that their new album “Geopolitical Quantum: An Analysis of Cosmic Diplomacy” was generated by AI…
NEW YORK — The annual “Punk Humanitarian of the Year” award was given to local drunk Rick Johnson who selflessly gave away over 35 loose…
LOWELL, Mass. — Local addict Sam Agnew asked his coke hookup to keep his tab open after the drug dealer upgraded to a cashless system…
FALL RIVER, Mass. — Local 37-year-old punk Ryan Foley realized he had inadvertently abstained from drugs and alcohol long enough to be considered straight edge,…
LOS ANGELES — Dead Kennedy’s superfan Mike Luger was in for a surprise today after he discovered that his new Jello Biafra GPS voice was…
NASHVILLE — Controversial country singer Jason Aldean recently penned a solemn ode to the Boston police officer who rapidly tumbled down a children’s slide, sources…
LINCOLN, Mass. — Local homeowner Shauneese Fortenberry was surprised to receive a “punk” singing telegram yesterday that left the entire front of her house in…
KANSAS CITY, Mo.— Local man Zane Starzyk is beside himself with stress and frustration after taking a mental health day that completely fucked up the…