PARIS — The Olympic men’s street skateboarding final was interrupted mid-competition by a visibly flustered woman who said the sounds were scaring her dog, sources who remember when skating was a lot cooler confirmed.
“All these kids need to stop what they’re doing here right now because it’s making way too much noise and it’s scaring Monsieur Bonbon!,” said Carine Buchard standing in the middle of the street course holding a small white dog. “These kids do not belong here. This is a nice neighborhood for real Olympic sports like gymnastics and water polo. This is not some place for these drug dealers to play. Can’t they go do their skateboarding tricks on a half-pike somewhere else?”
Although the woman’s actions delayed the competition, some of the skater athletes say they actually did not mind the interruption.
“Yeah, it honestly didn’t bother me to see that lady out there yelling at all of us. If anything it made it feel like a real skate session,” said skater Tom Schaar. “I’m from Malibu and I’ve been a little homesick since coming to Paris but having some lady in expensive athleisure wear holding a small dog telling me to go skate somewhere else really made me feel right at home. It really hit home when she pretended to cry and claimed we were attacking her.”
Olympic officials say the interruption has given them new insights into the world of skateboarding and that it may have been a blessing in disguise.
“After speaking with some of the athletes we have concluded that someone trying to stop these skateboarders’ fun is very authentic and true to the sport,” said Olympic official Donald Reeves. “We are looking to possibly add a ‘Karen evasion’ component to future competitions. We need to make sure this will not give an unfair advantage to Team USA however as those competitors may have vast experience trying to skate in uptight, entitled areas and will easily win that portion of the competition.”
At press time, Ms. Buchard was quoted as saying she is looking to call the local Parks Department after coming across “A bunch of mountain bikers doing some kind of a race on the trail I took my dog on.”