IRVINE, Calif. — Taco Bell’s revamped artificial intelligence drive-thru has reportedly been making the human fingers commonly found in their burritos look unrealistic and perverse, confirmed sources who thought the Doritos collaboration was the grossest thing the fast food company has ever done to that point.
“There I was eating my black bean grilled cheese burrito when all of a sudden I bit into what appeared to be a human finger that had a few littler fingers sprouting from the sides, half of which looked like soba noodles and the others didn’t even have fingernails,” said longtime Taco Bell patron Jason Merwich. “Don’t get me wrong, I’ll be back here tomorrow for lunch. After all, the regular human toe I found in my Crunchwrap Supreme a few weeks ago hasn’t deterred me, and at least that was prepared by a non-artificially intelligent person. However, I do have a problem with Taco Bell using AI. You can always tell when something was done with artificial intelligence and it’s never with the care of a 17-year-old employee. AI can rot in hell.”
Employees of the fast food chain weren’t all that pleased with the new drive-thru system either.
“First, AI took my drive-thru job. Then it took it upon itself to make a batch of burritos for customers, but since it only referenced Google for our food, it mainly came up with stories about human appendages found in our menu items, so it clearly tried to do just that,” said Taco Bell cashier Dave Mooring. “And to think, I used to work an office job before this, but they laid me off and replaced me with AI there too. I heard it was putting images of messed up fingers in Excel spreadsheets and they had to stop using it. It’s like AI can’t handle capitalism. Or fingers for that matter.”
Tech experts believe employers should be expecting more of this as AI is implemented worldwide.
“Sure, AI may be coming for our jobs, but it’s fucking up those jobs at an alarming rate,” said insider Maria Ventos. “McDonald’s has already pulled out of using AI for their drive-thru windows, not to mention their marketing campaigns. The images AI was generating for Grimace were not of this world. First, it gave Grimace five fingers, which is of course sickening. But it also made him look like a human liver riddled with cirrhosis. Just gross.”
At press time, Taco Bell announced they’d discontinue the use of AI at drive-thrus and promised that all index, thumb, middle, ring, and pinkie fingers found in their burritos will only be of human origin from henceforth.