LOS ANGELES — Local musician Brian Herring is reportedly making a decent living as a working musician but is reluctant to mention his marriage to multimillionaire Jess Wilson, partial heiress to the $1.2 billion Wilson family fortune, fed-up sources confirmed.
“I’m playing shows to tens of people every Thursday night downtown at Bongo’s Open Mic, it’s amazing looking out into the crowd from the six-inch-high stage and seeing these people nodding along to the eight minutes of songs I play,” Herring bragged from the studio he was paid thousands of dollars to build in his backyard. “And those sweet Bandcamp Friday checks got me my new Porsche 911 outside. I’ve got Jack Antonoff on speed dial to produce my next EP. Honestly, I don’t get why people say you can’t make money and be successful from your art.
“It’s 100% possible if you put in the daily grind and stop being so fucking lazy,” Herring declared as he picked up his 1940 Martin D-28 acoustic guitar to write a new ballad.
Herring’s acquaintance, Art Bronson, claims to see through his act, and swears that Herring would be in poverty without his wife.
“Jess constantly keeps him afloat and Briand barely even acknowledges her. She legitimately loves his music and cheers for him at every gig and he acts like he doesn’t know her. Hell, his liner notes have zero shoutouts to the computer chip empire that made this all possible for him,” Bronson complained. “She pays these guys who work for the big labels to listen to his shit and they just laugh her out of the room. He thinks he’s got something special but his music is The 1975-level basic, generic, vanilla shit. Just own up to having a nine-figure fortune, asshole.”
Music industry insider Clara Cypher says this sort of support is common in the world of music today.
“With the total domination of streaming now, the vast majority of professional musicians are making an annual income somewhere in the double digits at best. I’ve seen dudes with Grammys mow lawns to make ends meet. Your best bet for success is having a wealthy partner that is generous enough to support your little hobby,” said Cypher. “You only have two options as a musician to make a genuine living: sell out arenas or have direct access to a trust fund.”
At press time, Herring was telling his sister-in-law, a full-time professional tarot reader, about his new single.