LOS ANGELES — Former child star Ricky Dugan was seen drunkenly Googling “where am I now?” after a night out at the bar, confirmed sources who also didn’t know exactly where he was.
“Hell, I’ve been in such quality shows like NBC’s ‘School’s Out For Forever’ and one of those TGIF programs. Or was it Nickelodeon? One of those,” said Dugan. “I was surprised so few things came up after I typed the search in. I mean, I’m not out of the game yet. I was genuinely asking Google what I should do next in life. I guess I’ve still got a lot of irons in the fire. Like, I have this indie film coming up I’m pretty proud of, called ‘Going Down: 69 University Way.’ So, I’m not sure why only my net worth, home address, and Social Security number came up. But hey, according to the internet, I am still in Beverly Hills, so that’s a good sign, I guess.”
Ex-colleague and former star himself Cal Roberts was quick to come to his old friend and co-star’s defense.
“Ricky has been relentless when it comes to staging a comeback for himself. If only that translated into his work ethic,” said Roberts. “You see, he doesn’t show up to acting gigs frequently, and we all have to wonder, ‘where is he now?’ If only Google could tell us that part. Seems like the online community would show more support for someone who we just want to know their exact location of during work hours. Yahoo had no answer for us either.”
Not everyone is as understanding of the actor, such as Dugan’s former agent Laura Clossey.
“I’m not surprised that not much came up or that he even tried to search himself. I mean I’m glad he at least tried to discover himself existentially, but he has to start looking inwardly and objectively if he wants any shot at success again,” said Clossey. “He should take a more proactive or introspective approach to what he Googles regarding himself – searches, such as ‘how to get more work in my field?’ or possibly even ‘what happened to me?’”
At press time, Dugan attempted to Bing himself as well only to find that he had never existed according to the search engine.