DULUTH, Minn. — The massive tech billionaire-run oligarchy suffered a devastating blow today as local account coordinator and frisbee golf enthusiast, Michael Murray, created an account on the new social media platform Bluesky, sources who are not even sure where reality ends and nightmares begin anymore confirmed.
“I don’t really want to brag, but yeah, I am proud of myself for doing my part to take down these tech oligarchs who run all of our lives,” said a satisfied Murray. “It’s not every day you get the chance to take on the ruling class and it can be scary to make a change but sometimes you gotta step up and do the right thing. The next thing I had to do after taking a stand is spreading the word so I’ve been posting on Instagram about it all day. The people need to know it’s time to unite and fight back!”
Some who work for Bluesky say that while they certainly appreciate the number of recent new users they do not seem to share the same ideology as to what is fueling the uptick.
“Yes, we are absolutely thrilled that people like Mr. Murray and so many others have recently joined our platform and we look forward to continued growth in market share which Meta and X currently dominate,” said Bluesky executive Dan Smith. “And we will of course continue to be an ad-free, pro-free-speech platform until such time that we want to actually start making money. With the goal of course getting to a Zuckerbergian-level of megalomaniacal billionaire supervillain. That’s the dream we, and everyone who gets into this business, are hoping to achieve.”
Social media historian Kelsey Lambert says that Bluesky currently acquiring large numbers of naive activists is something the industry has seen many times before.
“First of all, can you please not laugh every time I say I am a social media historian? It is a real job. And secondly, the trajectory we are seeing Bluesky on is very similar to other smaller platforms which also ostensibly started with more philanthropic intentions such as Snapchat, TikTok, and even Google Plus,” said Lambert. “The perception of an SM company going from an underdog app for the people to an omniscient Orwellian nightmare happens around the time it actually starts to make a profit. We’ve seen it time and again in the field of social media history. Again, please don’t laugh.”
At press time, Murray said he was going to see the end of the climate crisis by starting to do Meatless Mondays.