WARWICK, R.I. — Longtime Dave & Buster’s customer and man who’s had a real rough go of it lately Geoff Pond was shocked when he received what he deemed to be an unusually impersonal birthday email from his favorite bar and restaurant arcade, sources close to the broken man confirmed.
“I expect this from a Golden Corral or a Buffalo Wild Wings, but not the only place in the country where I can eat garlic parmesan truffle fries in between rounds of ‘Dance Dance Revolution,’” Pond said, choking back tears. “Out of all the national chains I’ve opted in to gladly surrender my personal information in exchange for exclusive offerings, Dave & Buster’s has consistently turned my most sensitive data into thoughtful and generous birthday emails. But not this year. All I got was a ‘Happy B-day, Buster!’ and a broken QR code. For a place that hand-breads their chicken tenders, you think they’d extend that same personal touch on your special day. Instead, they just plopped a big fat dingleberry atop my shit sundae of a year.”
Dave & Buster’s server Lonn Herbert voiced frustration from the frontlines over the email’s ripple effect on business.
“Corporate better fix this shit right quick,” Herbert said. “Ever since they sent that sorry-ass email, customers have been leaving some sorrier-ass tips. Yesterday, a patron flat out stiffed me and just wrote ‘Care harder!’ where the dollar amount that feeds my goddamn kids should be. Hey, I’m sorry your birthday sucked. And I’m sorry about that time you got served divorce papers while playing air hockey. But I’m about to phone Dave or Buster or whoever and have this guy’s Power Card privileges revoked.”
Jasper Briggs, digital marketing guru and host of popular corporate email podcast “Winbox,” explained how Dave & Buster’s turned a lemon into lemonade.
“It’s a terrible email at best,” Briggs said. “Trite. Poorly worded. Clownish design. An obscene overuse of collegiate fonts. That said, it’s also a masterstroke in digital disruption, and all thanks to the birthday boy. He posted the email on Facebook. Sobbed about it on TikTok. He even ran PSAs with his own money. All while Dave & Buster’s sat back and watched the impressions roll in. Maximum market penetration with zero financial investment from the company. That’s the birthday gift that keeps on giving.”
At press time, the controversial email was revealed to be spam, and in one click Pond ruined his credit, his identity, his relationship with Dave & Buster’s, and above all, his birthday.