WASHINGTON — President Biden’s struggling campaign was given a sudden boost with his approval numbers at record highs after releasing a blistering diss track aimed at Drake, confirmed sources who might actually vote this year.
“After that awful performance in the debate, I was ready to write Biden off,” said Representative Lloyd Doggett, D-Austin, who had called for Biden to step down and let someone else take on Donald Trump in November. “But after I heard the track, called ‘1812,’ I thought, oh shit, Biden is popping off! Getting Dr. Dre to produce it was a masterstroke and that guest verse by Kamala Harris? I didn’t know she could spit that fast. Yeah, I finished it and just went back to the start and had to run that shit back.”
Biden detractors feel like the track is a cheap attempt to grab youth votes after the poor debate performance and the media’s constant reporting on his age.
“It’s all just a ploy,” said Robert Finney, a Trump supporter and writer for the Daily Wire. “Dropping a blistering diss track against a corny-ass colonizer is the oldest trick in the book. Bill Clinton dropped one against Vanilla Ice in the early ‘90s which paved the way to the White House for him and I’m shocked Biden is just repeating a hackneyed idea. Also, Biden is very old. That’s why I’m voting for the younger Trump.”
Experts were quick to weigh in on the track that was dropped at midnight on the official White House YouTube channel.
“Not since Nas’ ‘Ether’ or Kendrick Lamar’s recent ‘Not Like Us’ have we heard such an intense lyrical takedown of a pop culture icon,” said Maria Prescott, a musical historian and an expert on rap beefs. “Biden drops all kinds of double, triple, and even quadruple entendre while degrading Drake’s record sales, swag, entourage, and time on ‘Degrassi.’ The spoken word opening in which he says that Drake can download the song as a PDF file made me pause the track and pour myself a drink. It’s a brutal opening and really sets the tone for the onslaught that follows.”
At press time, Drake was seen staring out windows while a single tear fell from his eye.