ST. LOUIS — Former Vice President Joe Biden admitted earlier today that he hates to see Elizabeth Warren leave the race for president, but loves to watch her leave, skeeved out sources confirmed.
“She’s a real firecracker that one. She really gave it to me during the debates, but you know what? I kind of liked it,” said Biden with a wry grin. “This race is going to be a total sausage fest now. I can’t tell you how much I enjoyed catching a glimpse of her backside in those pantsuits every time we crossed paths. If I were just five years younger I might have even had a chance with her. I was a real dynamo back in my early 70s. I wish her the best of luck, and maybe we can do it again in 2024. I’m sure she’s going to keep her body as tight as her Medicare for all plan.”
According to those familiar with both campaigns, Biden tried to endorse Hawaii Congresswoman Tulsi Gabbard without dropping from the race, “just to get that cute thing back on stage at the debates.”
A spokesperson for the Warren campaign quickly responded to Biden’s lewd remarks.
“First off, Mr. Biden would have never ‘had a chance’ with Ms. Warren, not five years ago, not 50 years ago. Never. She wants to make that perfectly clear,” said senior advisor Tracey Lewis. “And second, please stop sexualizing every single person Mr. Biden. Stop sucking your wife’s fingers, stop kissing your granddaughter on the lips like that, and please stop calling every waitress you see ‘sugar buns,’ it’s demeaning.”
At press time Joe Biden was entering the 45th consecutive minute of licking his lips while looking at Miss November in a 2020 swimsuit calendar.