ATLANTA — Local battle rapper Slim Todd Paulson was apparently surprised that so many of his opponents in a recent competition slept with his mother, according to nearby sources questioning his mental faculties.
“That revelation did throw me off my game a little bit,” admitted Paulson. “When the first guy mentioned her riding his ‘disco stick,’ I thought it must have been a case of mistaken identity because I don’t ever remember her showing interest in going to clubs or drinking Cristal off anyone’s abs like he claimed. But then after the fourth guy dropped a line indicating he also hooked up with her, I knew it had to be more than just a coincidence. She’s a grown woman so she can obviously do whatever she wants, but I feel like she should have at least given me a head’s up. Plus, now I gotta figure out a way to break the news to my dad.”
Competitor Killa Chainz questioned whether Paulson understood the format of the contest.
“This fool for real?” Chainz stated. “Does he not know that we just make shit up about each other as part of this whole thing? Like my dude, nobody here actually knows who your mom is let alone are they sleeping with her. Bless his heart. I don’t think he will last long as a battle rapper, but in the meantime I’m more than happy to continue collecting W’s off of him. Maybe the next time we face off, I’ll put him into a coma by dropping a line about his grandma.”
Professor of Music and Culture Dr. Albert Kenn explained that people trying new hobbies sometimes don’t understand all the nuances involved.
“Many times new participants in rap battles are unprepared for their ferociousness,” said Dr. Kenn. “Roast battles, poetry slams, and even best man speeches can easily give someone a complex if they take them literally. It’s important to understand that the insults that fly are not meant to be taken seriously, but for the uninitiated, they can take years of costly therapy to get over if you believe everything you hear, like a dumbass.”
At press time, Paulson withdrew from the competition and was seen rushing to his accountant’s office after numerous competitors said he was a “broke ass bitch.”