KOKOMO, Ind. — Local man Andrew Stoltz succumbed to an illness even though he received multiple positive reassurances online, according to users of the fantasy football subreddit he frequented.
“We’re all shocked that Andrew’s gone, because he had such a positive attitude,” said Stoltz’ friend Bruce Bolinder. “His optimism was bolstered by all the nice comments he got on Reddit when he revealed he was sick. They told him, ‘You got this!’ and he took that to heart. Unfortunately, the universe or God or whatever had other plans in store for him. Sadly, it turned out those internet strangers weren’t quite right—he didn’t actually ‘have this.’ I’ve taken it upon myself to go back and reply to each of those well-wishers with the sad news.”
Stoltz’ doctor had tried to warn his patient that while receiving online niceties can be comforting, it’s no substitute for traditional medicine.
“Everyone likes to be told that everything’s going to be okay,” said Dr. Emil Dahl. “And the people posting these ultimately worthless comments get to feel like they did something good for a stranger. Ordinarily, such platitudes are innocuous, but it becomes dangerous when people like Mr. Stoltz put too much faith in the power of internet comments. He was so encouraged by his anonymous online supporters that he cavalierly decided to forego my attempts at treatment, feeling it was unnecessary. The last time he left my office, he simply said, ‘Thanks, doc, but I got this’ while giving me double-finger cannons.”
Dr. Sarah Hemphill of Johns Hopkins University recently led a study which tested the effect of comments on illnesses.
“Two experiment groups received positive or negative comments from unknown commenters,” explained Dr. Hemphill. “The group which only got positive comments fared the same or worse as the control group, showing that positive comments from strangers have little importance. Surprisingly, the group that received negative comments had a better prognosis. We attributed this to what we call the ‘Fuck You’ factor, where a person’s immune system will sometimes kick into overdrive when there is an incentive to survive long enough to seek vengeance on your tormentors.”
At press time, many users of /r/fantasyfootball responded to Bolinder’s announcement of Stoltz’ passing with a response of “sorry for your loss” which surprisingly didn’t make him feel any better about the death of his friend.
Ailing Man Dies Despite Several “You Got This” Reddit Comments
By Tim Graham | February 11, 2025
KOKOMO, Ind. — Local man Andrew Stoltz succumbed to an illness even though he received multiple positive reassurances online, according to users of the fantasy football subreddit he frequented.
“We’re all shocked that Andrew’s gone, because he had such a positive attitude,” said Stoltz’ friend Bruce Bolinder. “His optimism was bolstered by all the nice comments he got on Reddit when he revealed he was sick. They told him, ‘You got this!’ and he took that to heart. Unfortunately, the universe or God or whatever had other plans in store for him. Sadly, it turned out those internet strangers weren’t quite right—he didn’t actually ‘have this.’ I’ve taken it upon myself to go back and reply to each of those well-wishers with the sad news.”
Stoltz’ doctor had tried to warn his patient that while receiving online niceties can be comforting, it’s no substitute for traditional medicine.
“Everyone likes to be told that everything’s going to be okay,” said Dr. Emil Dahl. “And the people posting these ultimately worthless comments get to feel like they did something good for a stranger. Ordinarily, such platitudes are innocuous, but it becomes dangerous when people like Mr. Stoltz put too much faith in the power of internet comments. He was so encouraged by his anonymous online supporters that he cavalierly decided to forego my attempts at treatment, feeling it was unnecessary. The last time he left my office, he simply said, ‘Thanks, doc, but I got this’ while giving me double-finger cannons.”
Dr. Sarah Hemphill of Johns Hopkins University recently led a study which tested the effect of comments on illnesses.
“Two experiment groups received positive or negative comments from unknown commenters,” explained Dr. Hemphill. “The group which only got positive comments fared the same or worse as the control group, showing that positive comments from strangers have little importance. Surprisingly, the group that received negative comments had a better prognosis. We attributed this to what we call the ‘Fuck You’ factor, where a person’s immune system will sometimes kick into overdrive when there is an incentive to survive long enough to seek vengeance on your tormentors.”
At press time, many users of /r/fantasyfootball responded to Bolinder’s announcement of Stoltz’ passing with a response of “sorry for your loss” which surprisingly didn’t make him feel any better about the death of his friend.