LOS ANGELES — The newest installment of the classic punk and heavy metal documentary series “Decline of the Western Civilization” will feature a telling look into the lives of punks who became right-wing conservative crackpots as they aged, sources report.
“I thought filming all those sad, hopeless gutter punks in my third film and a drunken Chris Holmes in a swimming pool in the second one were never going to be topped. But seeing how many ‘punks’ have fallen victim to the conservative MAGA bullshit, I’ve truly outdone myself in exposing the scene’s sad state of affairs,” film director Penelope Spheeris explained. “I think these interviews with anti-vaxxers like Dicky Barrett and ‘anti-woke’ crusaders like Johnny Rotten will show the world of ‘conservative punks’ and how utterly sad and contradictory that phrase truly is.”
Derrick Eastman, a self-proclaimed “MAGA punk,” talked about being proud to be featured in the film.
“It’s great to see a film documenting the true punks out there, and not the whiny, inclusive, woke posers who suckle at the teet of the government, that’s why I throw all my energy in to supporting Trump, he’s the true spirit of punk, because he’s rich and from New York,” Eastman stated, adding that total authority against wokeism is as punk as it gets these days. “To hell with all that garbage about anarchy, equal rights, and acceptance. Punk is about state’s rights, fetal personhood, and the Second Amendment.”
A few members of the community were once bitten by the right-wing bug, but eventually came to their senses.
“All it took was one listen to ‘Nazi Punks, Fuck Off’ and hearing myself think ‘damn, Jello has always been a woke cuck, huh?’ for me to sit back and realize the monster I had become,” former conservative punk Wendy Bilowitz explained. “Can you believe the same guys who cried to ‘smash the state’ in their youth still claim they want to ‘smash the state’ even though they want to replace the state with a hate-filled puppet ignorant despot? So glad I got ‘woke’ when I did. Plus Burzum was starting to sound good to me and I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemies.”
At press time, conservative punks were in the process of building their version of CBGB’s called MAGA’s, but thankfully it burnt down due to faulty wiring.