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Slayer Fan Excited to Miss Slayer One Last Time by Drinking Too Much Before Show Again

Dan Kozuh • August 7, 2019

CHICAGO — Local metalhead Gary Dwyer cannot wait to “pound a sixer” of Old Style in the parking lot before…

Riot Fest to Feature Reunion Set of All Past Andrew W.K.s

Louie Aronowitz • July 17, 2019

CHICAGO — Riot Fest organizers announced today that this year’s festival will be headlined by all past iterations of Andrew…

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John Waters Brings out Holographic Divine to Eat Holographic Dog Shit at Burger Boogaloo

Aidan Sears • June 21, 2019

OAKLAND, Calif. — Filmmaker John Waters recreated one of his finest cinematic moments this week with a hologram of the…

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Department of Defense Confirms North Korea Building Their Own Kitten Cannon

John Danek • June 19, 2019

SEOUL — U.S. and South Korean officials revealed that North Korea is building their own version of the “kitten cannon,”…

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Woman Considers Having Children After Favorite Band’s Tees Only Available in Youth Small

Lauren Lavín • June 10, 2019

MINNEAPOLIS — Local woman and online shopper Darla Castro is reconsidering her lack of children after a search for her…

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Rogue LANDR AI Mastering Every Song Into ‘Tubthumping’ by Chumbawamba

Doug Francisco • June 3, 2019

LOS ANGELES — The artificial intelligence algorithm behind LANDR’s audio mastering service yesterday remastered all songs it received into Chumbawamba’s…

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LANDR Algorithm Sends Life-Like Excuse for Why It Can’t Attend Album Release Show

John Danek • May 27, 2019

MONTREAL — Manufacturers of online AI-driven mastering software LANDR announced a new feature today that politely declines a band’s inevitable…

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Artificially Intelligent LANDR Least Awkward Member of Band

Johnny Mo • May 20, 2019

MARFA, Texas — Automated mastering software LANDR led a meet-and-greet today for teenage pop-punk trio VVhat after all three members…

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Amazon Calls Cops on Rockabilia

Louie Aronowitz • May 13, 2019

SEATTLE — Online retail behemoth Amazon filed an official complaint yesterday against band merch site Rockabilia in one of the…

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No One Notices Rockabilia’s Ska Merch Page Still Down

Louie Aronowitz • May 6, 2019

CHANHASSEN, Minn. — Technical difficulties with the ska section of online retailer Rockabilia’s website have gone unnoticed for the third…

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