Music Archives - Page 142

Venue Security Guard Not Really Sure Why They’re Needed at They Might Be Giants Show

Bobby Korec • March 9, 2023

NEW YORK — Local security guard Frank Bologna has absolutely no clue why he’s needed to work a mostly docile…

Enraged Ben Shapiro Challenges boygenius To Publicly Play In Battle of the Bands Against Him

James Knapp • March 8, 2023

WESTCHASE, Fla. — Self-proclaimed smartypants Ben Shapiro reportedly “flew into a tizzy” and demanded indie folk supergroup boygenius publicly perform…

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Weird Twin Brothers Voted “Most Likely to Be Rhythm Section in Metal Band”

Ted Pillow • March 8, 2023

GRAND RAPIDS, Mich. — Twin brothers Earl and Wayne Dunlap were chosen “Most Likely to Be Rhythm Section in Metal…

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Hardware Store Annoyed With Noise Musicians Coming in and Soloing for Hours Without Buying Anything

Joe Rumrill • March 7, 2023

BLOOMFIELD, Conn. — Employees of a local hardware store franchise are reportedly exasperated with the many noise musicians who repeatedly…

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Goth Does Semi-Truck Fist Pump Thing as Hearse Drives By

Chris Bowen • March 6, 2023

TRENTON, N.J. — Local goth Alex Stemens enthusiastically fist pumped a nearby hearse in hopes they would blow their giant…

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Gin Blossoms Finally Acknowledge White Privilege of Letting Cops Chase You Around and Facing Zero Repercussions

Patrick Coyne • March 5, 2023

TEMPE, Ariz. — ‘90s alt rockers Gin Blossoms finally acknowledged their white privilege that enabled them to “drive around this…

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The Weekly Scene Report: March 4

The Hard Times Staff • March 4, 2023

You may have made it through another week, but have you made it through the most important news stories from…

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Fender Recalls New Guitar That Moans While Being Tuned

Jonah Nink • March 4, 2023

SCOTTSDALE, Ariz. — Fender recalled a new line of guitars and basses that moan, grunt and scream while being tuned…

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Roadie Clearly Only Got Job Because His Father is Roadie Sr.

Sara Mellas • March 3, 2023

VENTURA, Calif. – Inexperienced roadie Rodger Siminek Jr. is fighting accusations that he only got his job as the guitar…

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Punk Builds Time Machine To See Turnstile Before They Were Big

Ryan Danley • March 2, 2023

DENVER — Local punk Cody Dawkins attempted to defy the limits of what humanity knows as a fundamental truth and…

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