BETHESDA, Md. – Local accountant Peter Wombach reportedly failed to successfully hide a signed Anal Cunt poster in the background of a work Zoom call, sources already in conversation with HR report.
“About 15 minutes into the meeting I realized I didn’t cover my Anal Cunt poster with my ‘I’m With Her’ campaign poster from 2016 and I had to get creative,” said Wombach while grinning maniacally. “Framing a Zoom call is an art, and I am Michelangelo. I have a map to my right, so people think I like maps and nerd shit like that. To my left is a picture of my dog in case I need to start a conversation, and above me is my Anal Cunt poster. I got it signed after Seth Putnam fucked my girlfriend in Reykjavik and he felt bad about it. It’s only barely out of view, so it feels kinda dirty to have it like, right there. And even if someone saw it, no one knows what it is but me due to the borderline illegible font. What a thrill.”
Other members of Wombach’s firm were not as confident in the poster’s subtlety.
“The words ‘anal cunt’ were directly above his head, almost like a title,” said irritated manager Sandra Tyler. “We kept trying to call him out on it, but he constantly deflected, thinking that we were talking about his maps or his ugly greyhound. I told him to examine his framing, but he told me that he would circle back with me offline, and there’s really no comeback to that. I’ll talk to him later about what’s appropriate on Zoom calls, and why Dying Fetus is so much better than his dogshit taste.”
Anal Cunt’s public relations team have recently started using this incident as a lesson in Zoom etiquette.
“You need to be careful, because most corpo-drones are fucking pussies,” said publicist Reggie Ryan. “Show up for Zoom calls early, dress well, and never visibly cut yourself with razor blades unless you’re sure everyone is cool with it. Try to cover up your badass posters with wussy shit like Radiohead. That will let your coworkers feel cool about their music taste and distract them from the fact that you’re naked from the waist down.”
At press time, Wombach was called into a meeting about his performance, and forgot to hide the vial of GG Allin’s semen he bought on eBay.