Jordan Liffengren
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April 12, 2024
LONG BEACH, Calif.—Aspiring musician Keith Brown’s practice space was transformed from a once-fun jam area to an utterly sexless dungeon,…
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Doug Kolic
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April 11, 2024
LAS VEGAS – Former football star and accused double-murderer OJ Simpson took one last instinctual swipe at a blonde nurse…
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James Knapp
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April 11, 2024
WALLA WALLA, Wash. — Independent record shop Columbia Flophouse somberly announced the business’s going-out-of-business sale nearly two full weeks before…
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Patrick Coyne
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April 11, 2024
FORT WORTH, Texas — Local masturbator James Matheson was overheard thoughtfully whispering to himself a historical poem about Alexander the…
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TALLAHASSEE, Fla. — Members of the Florida Senate quickly passed a new bill last night that will allow teachers K-12…
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Matt Husser
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April 10, 2024
LOS ANGELES — Crust punk Tim “Ransom” Rollins has reportedly started acting annoyingly sanctimonious ever since he moved into an…
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Joe Rumrill
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April 9, 2024
SEDONA, Ariz. — A fledgling lullaby composer was wracked with anxiety at a recent sold-out performance of his work when…
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ANAHEIM, Calif. – Disney Adult and self-proclaimed “TikTok Foodie” Trisha McCormick knows where to get the best $45 chicken tenders…
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BOSTON — The Solar Eclipse, expected to be visible later today, admitted he got super hard just thinking about how…
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Matt Husser
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April 8, 2024
LOS ANGELES — Local skater Chris Poole was left shocked today after he jokingly called a baby wearing a Thrasher…
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