Culture Archives - Page 548

Your Weekly Hardcoroscopes

The Hard Times Staff • June 27, 2018

Aries (March 21 - April 19) Not a great week for confrontation, Aries. Yes, you’ll definitely regret dropping $150 on…

Independent Researcher Discovers Over 80 Stormy Daniels Sex Tapes

Mark Maira • June 27, 2018

TAMPA, Fla. — Independent researcher Spencer Griffith uncovered a “bombshell” yesterday in the continuing Stormy Daniels-Donald Trump story, discovering over…

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Bad Pet Owner Running Out of Skin for Memorial Tattoos

Allison Mick • June 25, 2018

DERRY, Maine — Local punk Liberty Van Zandt is running out of blank skin for commemorating her dead pets, and…

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Quantum Tour Van Exists in Two Parking Spaces at Once

Andy Holt • June 24, 2018

MINNEAPOLIS — A 1986 Ford Econoline van baffled onlookers and scientists alike last night after somehow inhabiting two separate parking…

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Venue Strictly Enforces 12-Strike Policy on Assault

Brandon Fernweh • June 23, 2018

CHICAGO — The Copper Creek Bar music venue announced plans this morning to instill and enforce a strict 12-strike policy…

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Vegan Dog Doesn’t Know It

Courtney Paige Barnett • June 20, 2018

SEATTLE — Local dog and apparent vegan Noodles reportedly remains unaware of the dietary restrictions forced upon her by her…

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I’m the Wizard Airbrushed on the Side of a Van. Free Me From This Prison Bestowed

Rob Steinberg • June 19, 2018

I’ve been doomed upon this fate for many of years. Sure, I may look powerful with my crystal ball and…

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Your Weekly Hardcoroscopes

The Hard Times Staff • June 19, 2018

Aries (March 21-April 19) Aries is known as the most adventurous of all the zodiac. While your bravery and risky…

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Crowd Surfing Gang Brutally Enforces “Locals Only” Policy at Punk Show

The Hard Times Staff • June 19, 2018

HILO, Hawaii — A recent string of attacks on tourists attending DIY punk shows in various parts of Hawaii has…

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Did You Miss It? That Was the Moment It Was OK to Talk Gun Control

Chris Nakis • June 18, 2018

The moment is over. Poof! Done. Gone. Bang! Actually, scratch that last one. Either way, you just missed your chance…

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