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COUNTERPOINT: But His Mom Lets Him Do It

We are living in a golden age of suffering. My generation has filled too long the goblet of misery and now our cup runneth over. We contemptuous few, drunk on negligence, pacified by excess and our circus of artificiality, beg for an outlet on this freeway of malaise. So mom, when I want to take my dirt bike out to the marsh and do bitchin’ stunts, I’m shocked– SHOCKED that you said no when my friend’s mom totally said he was allowed to.

Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.

Let me put things into perspective for you. My friend’s mom works two jobs and comes home every day to his baby sister crying. When he asks his mom if he can go get some fresh air in the marsh, she totally says yes. That’s the American dream! We have a stable family and don’t like in a trailer yet we cannot seem to achieve this. Those aren’t the values I was raised with. So when I come home from a long day of summer school, it is my God-given right to vape in the woods and do some cool dirt bike tricks with my best friend who doesn’t have to have this argument every time he wants to leave the house.

What are you worried about anyway? You think we’re gonna buy cigarettes off of those college kids playing Magic: The Gathering on those tree stumps by the bike path? Because we’re not. But if we were, you should know my friend buys cigarettes all of the time for his mom using his dad’s old ID. You know what he’s doing? He’s contributing to the economy. Creating a stronger nation. You ever heard of that? Or are you too busy cutting coupons and serving injustice for dinner every night? Huh, Mom?

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And yeah, maybe we’re going to tag that design my friend came up with on a few rocks. Who cares, mom!? They’re just rocks. And have you seen that radical logo Kyle made? It’s got flames AND lightning bolts. If anything we’re improving the real estate value of that creek. And I could do the same if you let me paint my room– which is another thing that my friend’s mom is cool about.

You need to reconsider the system by which you allow people (me) to do things (radical stunts and listening to Korn in the woods) and reform your policies regarding permission (namely, your policy that I need it). I’m sure there is some kind of discourse to be had here, but you manufactured a scenario where we cannot reach an agreement. Please allow yourself the opportunity to be as chill as my friend’s mom before you reject her parenting style completely. You will not regret it.