Culture Archives - Page 475

San Francisco Couple Loves How Orange Leaves Look on Homeless Person

Cory Cousins • October 11, 2019

SAN FRANCISCO — A young San Franciscan couple enjoyed the beginnings of autumn this weekend, relishing the sight of a…

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Attempt to Sneak Keg Into Show Not Going Well

Patrick Crooks • October 11, 2019

PITTSBURGH — Local man Kevin Cole and his friends failed again moments ago attempting to sneak a keg into a…

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Punk Working 12 Years at Wells Fargo Still Claims to be Taking Down Banking Industry From Inside

Patrick Coyne • October 10, 2019

CINCINNATI — Self-described anarcho-punk and Wells Fargo bank teller Gary Morin claimed again today that he only took his job…

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Man Cheers Up Depressed Girlfriend With Breakfast, Lunch, Dinner in Bed

Jordan Breeding • October 10, 2019

MECHANICSVILLE, Va. — Local sous chef Timothy Devino tried to cheer up his potentially depressed girlfriend Jordan Meyer yesterday by…

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Hipster Outside of Trader Joe’s Asking Shoppers if They’ve Heard of Wegmans

Tom K • October 9, 2019

UTICA, N.Y. — A local hipster was terrorizing shoppers leaving an area Trader Joe’s grocery store yesterday, asking if they’ve…

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Proactive Intern Already Facing Sexual Harassment Allegations

Freelancer • October 9, 2019

NEWPORT BEACH, Calif. — Termagant Pharmaceuticals product strategy intern Jeremy Hastings impressed colleagues last week by receiving more allegations of…

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We Spoke with Real Americans About the Election But Turns Out They’re All Pretty Fucking Stupid

Patrick Coyne • October 9, 2019

Recently, the elitist SJWs of The Hard Times took a moment out of our busy lives of canceling posers to…

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Suicidal Procrastinator Takes Up Smoking

Patrick Crooks • October 9, 2019

FAIRFAX, Va. — Known procrastinator Dave Lowary has started smoking cigarettes in an apparent attempt to end his life, concerned…

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Yang Campaign Rocked As Punkface Photos Surface

Brooks Gray • October 8, 2019

NEW YORK — Democratic Presidential hopeful Andrew Yang defended himself this morning when a small, highly opinionated faction of citizens…

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Viewer Convinced 10 Seconds into Documentary

The Hard Times Staff • October 8, 2019

DANVILLE, Calif. — Local man Owen Nelson was completely convinced last night that the entire world is run by an…

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