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What the Fuck Did You Just Say About Weird Al?

I’m sorry, what the fuck did you just say about Weird Al? The genius of all geniuses, the prince of parody, the maestro of music videos? You dare defile his honorable career by saying that he’s just “okay?” That’s bullshit and I will fucking kill you where you stand.

What is your goddamn problem? Do you think Weird Al fans are children? Have you overlooked the dark humor and satire in his lyrics? Are you incapable of appreciating when Weird Al took over MTV and called it “ALTV?”

Do you just hate life? Do you want to live a miserable Weird Al-less existence? Do you want me to break your knees so you can grow to appreciate Weird Al while you’re stuck in bed, healing?

I bet you’re one of those dumbasses who thinks Weird Al only makes parodies. What a simpleton like you misses is that half of his albums are completely original songs. And they’re brilliant! I should burn your family to the ground.

Are you ignorant to the top tier caliber of live performer that is the sacred and holy Weird Al? He puts more effort into his shows than Elvis, Madonna, and every Broadway performer combined. Your soul should be ashamed of you. People have been drawn-and-quartered for less than this.

The fact that you’re still breathing is only to honor Sir Weird Al, the kindest man to ever walk the earth. You have him to thank for every breath you take from now until you pass away like Mr. Frump in His Iron Lung and you meet Weird God in Weird Heaven. All praise be to Weird Al.