Press "Enter" to skip to content

Sorry I Haven’t Seen That Show You Recommended, the Idea of Having Something in Common With You Disgusts Me

Shit, no I did not get a chance to start that show you recommended to me, sorry about that. It’s just that I have a lot in my queue already. Plus, if I have something in common with you, you might be inclined to start another conversation with me in the future as if we are friends, which we categorically are not. So, you can understand, right?

How am I supposed to trust your taste in media when you constantly flood the work group chat with gifs from “The Big Bang Theory”? Everyone who works here started using the word “spouse” exclusively because anytime someone says “wife” around you, you do the fucking Borat voice. Haven’t you noticed that?

Look, I’ve been slammed with replenishing coffee filters for the break room and helping my parents open a PDF file, I just can’t find the time! Plus I’m not sleeping well because I sprained my ankle jumping down a stairwell to avoid bumping into you a few days ago. I’m just really exhausted.

When I get home, all I want to do is unwind with a nice beer and put on a show that is literally anything besides what you suggested to me. That is of course, if I fail to forget the fact that you even exist, which is my goal every day the second I leave this office.

It’s just hard to start a whole new show when I know that if I do wind up liking it, then it means you and I are similar and I’ll have to throw myself off of a bridge.

Well don’t get bent out of shape, it’s not just the fact that I don’t respect your opinion and find you repulsive. My girl and I got a puppy, and it’s been really time-consuming teaching him how to shit outside. Maybe you shouldn’t bother telling me to watch “CSI: Miami” anymore, or interacting with me on any level whatsoever in the future. Between the pup and the fact that hearing your voice makes me physically ill, I just don’t think I’m going to fit it in.

Hey, don’t take it personally, I just don’t respect your opinions because they come out of the dumb face attached to your stupid head. I hope you can understand.