You’re probably wondering why I’m fishing out on the floor foaming at the mouth and ranting in tongues. I assure you, everything is fine.
Today I decided to change up my daily drug binge sesh by throwing 250mg of basement-pressed Molly and a bottle of Benadryl into the mix of my usual five beers, whippets, gas station brand Kratom, plus four multi-milligram rainbow lines of Adderall. My friends said that chasing down a bottle of Benadryl with a water bottle full of Molly powder at this stage would be lit, but after seeing a great white shark swim out of the Rob Zombie poster on my friend’s wall, I began to question my choices.
As any rational person would, I took to /r/Drugs on Reddit to get an expert opinion on whether I was going to live or die. I can’t afford an emergency room bill, and at least people on /r/drugs actually know what they’re talking about. In my experience, most nurses don’t even know what Kratom is, and always argue with me about whether MDMA cures veterans with PTSD (it does).
When I searched if it was safe to take diphenhydramine, Molly, alcohol, whippets, Kratom, and Adderall (with a high tolerance) I dug through at least twelve pages trying to find a person who lived after mixing similar substances. Then I remembered that I forgot to include Wellbutrin, ibuprofen, and caffeine. Oh, and cigarettes and weed.
Two hours passed and I was seeing a laser light show in the bathroom, wondering if I should call my mom to front an ambulance bill. Finally, I found a 2008 post by user XannyDrizzlz.
XannyDrizzlz said that he mixed what I did plus Ketamine, and obviously he lived to make the post. He said he boofed the combo a few hours before. He may not have been the best writer in the world, (the post cut off mid-sentence with “dljkdlndln./,d;sl;dk”, interrupting his detailed experience about listening to Animal Collective on Molly) but last I checked you can’t post on Reddit if you’re dead. He hasn’t posted since, but his profile showed he was a Moderator on /r/darknet and an active poster in /r/trailerparkboys so I assume that he’s just been busy.
So I’ll probably be fine.