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Oh, You’re An R.E.M Fan? Name Three Over The Counter Supplements For Joint Pain

Oh really you’re a “big fan” of R.E.M? Forgive me for seeming incredulous, but your poser ass doesn’t fit the bill.

Maybe you caught a glimpse of the “Loosing My Religion” video mommy and daddy were watching when you were young and the old angel guy (based on “A Very Old Man with Enormous Wings” by Gabriel García Márquez, not that you knew,) freaked you out and fascinated you. But that doesn’t make you a fan. What makes you an R.E.M fan is age-induced joint pain.

So how about it poser? Can you name three supplements that help with the pain you feel getting out of bed every morning now? I thought not.

Have you even listened to Chronic Town? Do you even drink Sleepy Time tea? Pffft, fuck outta here.

Glucosamine, okay, that’s one. Everyone knows that one though, come on. Glucosamine is basically the “It’s The End of The World as We Know It” of over the counter joint pain supplements. You probably just heard about it in some TV show like “The OC” or whatever the fuck is on now.

You’re gonna have to prove yourself more if you wanna go around calling yourself a fan of R.E.M. Come on dude, name one song off of “Monster” besides “What’s The Frequency Kenneth?” Name three phone numbers you know by heart. Show me your AARP card, something!

Oh, you own the original cut of “Radio Free Europe” on vinyl? Big deal. Where is the ziploc baggie of snacks you carry around in case your blood sugar gets too low? What’s your mildly cringy at best take on critical race theory? Why do you smile like you’ve never gone through a divorce? You say you’re an R.E.M fan, but you’re just too green. And no, not 1988’s “Green” featuring such hits as “Stand” and “Orange Crush,” and no you don’t get points for having that right in the chamber.

Now, are you gonna help me cross this street or not?