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How to Process Trauma One Kink at a Time

Processing trauma is a lengthy and emotionally taxing endeavor. During this process it’s important to keep in mind that your trauma does not define you and it is not your fault. Your experiences have made you the incredible and strong person you are today and, while working through this may be difficult, it’s necessary to push through so you can have healthy interpersonal relationships.

So speaking as someone with unresolved trauma, and your sexual partner, I’m gonna need you to take this whip and…

Wait, no, just listen! Exposure therapy is the leading treatment for even the highest levels of anxiety. Especially those caused by trauma. The name typically refers to “exposing” your senses to the source of your trauma until your mind and body no longer recognize these triggers as immediate threats. So just put on this gimp outfit and let’s get healthy!

Look, a relationship is a partnership. Be my partner on this. Remember when you were too anxious to drive in the city so I went with you on all those trips so you’d have support from someone who loves you? Well I’d appreciate it if you supported me. Physically, I mean. Please physically support me while I climb into the sex swing I constructed in our room while you were at work.

You’re always thinking so negatively. I need you to think more sex positively.

Hmm, well you just said “okay” but you didn’t sound convincing. Let’s take it slow to start. The first step in trauma therapy is identifying a fear hierarchy. This is a list of triggering stimuli that you rank from least to most traumatic. Let’s just start with some light choking/furry play and work our way up to the real good stuff.

I want to thank you for understanding and being there for me. I know overcoming your fears about kinky sex is scary. So is dealing with trauma. But with the right combination of exposure therapy and a loving, supporting partner, we can overcome this together.