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How To Get Rich By Working Hard, Saving Up, And Spending One Night In A Haunted Mansion As Per Your Great Uncle’s Will

The road to success is not traveled in the backseat, it’s traveled with you in the driver’s seat, or perhaps walked by foot, or maybe in a car where you use your feet like Fred Flintstone. Either way, it means that the one who is doing it has to be you.

Before my financial woes were behind me I spent years living rough. I was working various jobs that caused calluses on my hands, spending nights studying for college exams, and refusing to spend money on frivolous things like ordering out and seeing movies. My Great Uncle, the Zinc mogul whom I seldomly saw, took a shine to me, so when he died he left me with a huge responsibility: I will inherit his millions of dollars on account that I spent one night in a haunted mansion.

It’s not an easy task, but anyone can if you put in the work ethic. I had trouble spending that night, let me tell you. The walls would drip blood down them which is incredibly unsanitary. You would be afraid to touch any of the books on the shelf because they might reveal a revolving bookcase. The Knight’s armor in the hallways made loud clanging sounds when it chased you. At one point, the local bully snuck into the mansion and tried to scare me by wearing a giant sheet. That is of course, what I thought at first until I looked behind me and the bully was there wearing a similar ghost sheet. I then deduced that if “the ghost” was over there, and that the bully was right behind me, then… uh oh.

I felt rude ignoring the constant moaning for me to “get out,” but I knew that my Great Uncle, they called him the “Zinc Zenith,” was counting on me so I resisted any urge to run out the side of the building leaving a me-shaped hole behind. That is the key to success and you can learn all about how to do it yourself if you subscribe to my program. It is no easy follow, but for $59.99 a month, my seminars can teach you to be the man I am today.

Along with the millions of dollars I successfully inherited from my Great Uncle, whose zinc empire still spans half the world, I was also left with his wise-talking racehorse. That story of course is behind the paywall.