Therapy, whether it be the online variety or the old-school kind where you have to leave your house, has become not only socially acceptable but so popular that people now assume there’s something wrong with you if you’re not telling all your problems to a stranger every week. In order to deal with high costs, many people are turning to couples therapy, thereby combining some of their medical expenses with date night.
Even with this clever trick, therapy can be an expensive undertaking, especially if your therapist doesn’t validate parking. It can also be emotionally draining to return week after week to the same strip mall to argue about whose father was more of a dick and why that means the other person should do the dishes. So what are unhappy members of the disappearing middle class to do? It turns out a psychologist in the tiny hamlet of Hartford, NY may have the answer.
“The truth is, most therapists know which one of you is the problem five minutes after you walk in the door.” says Dr. Kailey Strafford “But we don’t want to say anything because that would be kinda rude. It would also keep us from making like thousands of dollars… so there’s a lot of factors at play.”
But after several years in the field, Dr. Strafford became what they referred to as, “totally bored”. That’s when they decided to streamline their process. Now for an extra $100 in cash, they will tell you who is right on your very first visit.
“Dr. Strafford was a real godsend for us!” said former patient Angela Jameson “We’d heard about their revolutionary technique so I folded up a hundred-dollar bill and passed it to them when we shook hands. We were out of there 10 minutes later and now my boyfriend has to sell that stupid parrot! Thanks Dr. S!”
But not everyone is thrilled with the good doctor’s new form of therapy.
“It’s completely outrageous!” said Dr. Willford Brimmel of the American Psychological Association, “Most of us spend well over a decade training to be therapists. You can’t just ask for an extra $100 and tell a couple who is ‘right’. Something closer to $250 is much more reasonable if you want to maintain a summer home at halfway decent location.”
Dr. Strafford says they understand some of this criticism. “Even I have to admit there are multiple dimensions to any relationship,” they explained. “That’s why starting next week, for an extra $25 each, I will not only tell couples which one of them is wrong but will let them know if they are hot enough to continue getting away with their bullshit.”