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By Day We’re Just The Faculty For A Community College History Department. But By Night We’re The Best They Might Be Giants Tribute Band In The Tri-state Area

Okay class, may I have your attention for a moment? We know that there are some rumors going around about the school’s faculty and we like to confirm at this present time that, yes, they are all true. That’s right, class. Though you will mostly only see us as your humble and handsome educators, we, this community college history department, are collectively known as Constantinople (Not Istanbul) – the preeminent They Might Be Giants tribute band in the area.

We aren’t entirely sure how word got out about this undeniably hip side project of ours as we all use rock and roll pseudonyms to play under. You kids all know “Dr. Worm” right? Well instead on drums for us we have “Dr. Weevil” – specifically Dr. Thaddeus Kinsey Weevil who heads the department’s medieval cartography curriculum.

They Might Be Giants have played a large role in our academic work. In fact we’ve quoted lyrics from their songs in several research papers which every scholarly journal and Rolling Stone have refused to publish.

I suppose we shouldn’t be surprised that you kids found out. You’ve sure got yourself in on everything that’s “slaps” and “rizz” these days. And what’s really more “gagged” than songs about James K. Polk, mammalian biology, or the various Mesopotamian rulers? Yes, it would only be a matter of time before you all found us out.

But don’t think that just because you all now know that we’re secretly an educational alterna-rock cover band on the side doesn’t mean things are going to be any different in the classroom. We keep our professional and our hardcore personal lives separate, and we will not be grading on a curve. We’re still the boss of you.

That being said, if anyone wants to come to our next show at the Whittleman Science Center Imax theater stage we have plenty of tickets still available. Tickets are half off to anyone who brings a used textbook to donate to Little Free Library.