As Damon Albarn once sang, love is the greatest thing. But there comes a time in any relationship when you have to admit that things have stagnated. Stall. Dull. But fortunately, any relationship gone dry can be kicked back into beautiful wetness with just a few romantic gestures!
If your relationship with the taloned, horrific monster known as The Babadook is on the rocks, here’s a few ideas to get that spark back!
1: Try cooking together! While many couples can come to see cooking as a chore that has to be passive-aggressively pushed back and forth until someone caves and orders Papa John’s, it can actually be a beautiful bonding activity! The warmth of the kitchen, the scent of the pecorino that The Babadook freshly grates for his special spaghetti carbonara, the sensuality of dining! Electricity!
2. Take the day off and just spend time with each other without expectations! We’ve all planned an outing with a significant other and seen it collapse under the pressure of having an Instagram-ready weekend at the coast. Instead of loading yourself up with expectations, try calling into work and just enjoy time with The Babadook. Stay in bed. Watch your favorite shows. Be with each other!
3. Pick out new matching top hats! Some people think couples in coordinating outfits are tacky, but not us! There’s nothing cuter than a person and their jagged, spiky-haired manifestation of parental guilt in matching duds, so get out there and spend an afternoon picking out new top hats! Adorable!
4. Terrify a family together! Sure, it may be The Babadook’s thing, but sometimes a couple can get that precious feeling back by combining interests. Rather than spend a weekend just shopping or yard work, try finding, say, a recent divorcee who can’t connect emotionally with their withdrawn child and just scare the fuck out of them!
5. Experiment with opening things up to other monsters! Okay, common wisdom is that only couples who are very secure and strong should explore opening relationships, rather than a collapsing pair of lovers trying to find any kind of shared experience. But fuck that! Have a three-way with the thing from Malignant! Try a soft-swap with Frankenstein AND Frankenstein’s Monster! Get weird!
When you feel comfortable seeing your beloved Babadook getting railed five ways from Sunday, that’s how you know you’ve put the spark back into things!