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5 Meditation Apps so Good You’ll Be Incorrectly Convinced You Can Stop Taking Your Meds

Congratulations! You’ve made the next step in your mental and spiritual well being journey by bringing meditation into your life. Mindfulness can have some wonderful benefits for your life including increased attention span, mood stabilization, and lower blood pressure. In fact, meditation can work so well that you will foolishly think you can quit your antidepressants!

Here are five fantastic meditation apps that will make you flush your Zoloft down faster than you can say “mental health relapse.”

Insight Timer – This app has thousands of hours of free mediation exercises and relaxing music. Sure, you’ll stick with it for a few weeks but you’ll probably end up just using it to fall asleep. That won’t stop you from tossing out your Zoloft on a good day only to find yourself rummaging through your trash a few weeks from now like a dissociating raccoon.

Aura – Aura touts that you only need 3 minutes a day to change your life. We’re sure 3 minutes of mediation will be able to replace your SSRI’s so you should even quit cold turkey. Just breathe through the detox. We’re sure you’ll be fine.

Sattva – This app uses actual Sanskrit meditations. People from the ancient world didn’t take Abilify, so why should you? It also has a heart rate monitor so you can watch your rebound anxiety attack happen in real time.

Calm – Oprah recommends this one. Matthew McConaughey also recommends it. Then again, if you had lives like theirs you probably wouldn’t have been taking Paxil since you were fifteen.

Headspace – Why not pay $12.99 a month to learn how to breathe and convince yourself that it cured your anxiety? Then when that $12.99 sends your bank account into the negative and you have a panic attack about it, you will be reminded that living in the now doesn’t cover overdraft fees.

These are just five of the many mediation apps out there. We strongly recommend introducing a meditation or yoga regimen into your daily routine to give you the artificial self-confidence boost you’ll need to make a terrible life decision.