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5 Fun Restaurant Themed Toys to Lull Your Children Into a Lifetime of Servitude in an Industry With No Respect for Employees, Benefits or Chances at Personal Growth

It’s no secret that the food service industry is in crisis mode right now. Citing poor pay, a lack of benefits, and dehumanizing treatment from employers and customers alike, workers are quitting the industry in droves. It’s unclear where this notion that people should be fairly compensated for 40+ hours of labor every week came from, but if we don’t take action soon it could mean the end of the value menu as we know it! Fortunately, one solution can be found right in the toy section of your local Walmart.

In recent years, toy company executives have become more aware of the power their platform can wield, and they are using that power for an incredibly noble purpose: indoctrinating menial workers at a young age.

Never before has there been such a variety of fun, food-themed toys to choose from! Here are 5 kitchen playsets so fun your child won’t realize they’ve chosen a life of poverty until well after they’ve passed their ServSafe test.

GiftExpress Burger & Hot Dog Fast Food Cooking Play Set
This one is perfect for kids who need the bar set extra low. It comes with toy hamburgers, fries, hot dogs, drinks, condiments, and a serving tray with the simple yet subliminally impactful words “Food Fun” printed right on it. More importantly, what it does not come with is gainful income, access to reliable healthcare or the ability to unionize.

Fisher-Price Laugh and Learn Servin’ Up Fun Food Truck
Fisher-Price is something of an OG in the play kitchen world, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t innovative! If your child shows an entrepreneurial spirit, this food truck playset is perfect! Why not combine the low-reward stresses of food preparation and customer service with the psychotic episode-inducing headache of starting your own business and owing a bank a ton of money!

Fisher-Price Servin’ surprises Kitchen & Table Pizza Oven
Fisher-Price has done it again! This pizzeria-themed playset not only has a pizza kitchen, it has a counter for serving customers! If you have two kids and one chooses to be the chef and the other chooses to be the customer, you already know which one to send to college!

Honestly, the only thing missing from this playset is a pair of worn-out non-slip shoes that cause horrible back problems you can’t afford to replace without starving for a week.

Play-Doh Bakery Creations Dough Art
Let’s face it, as much as we try to deter it, some kids are just plain creative. Luckily this play-doh bakery will teach them to channel that creativity into cake decorating! Why foster an interest in art when those same skills could be utilized to produce something that makes money and eventually becomes poop?

Melissa & Doug Star Diner Play Set
This one comes with a fake pot of coffee and little menus— so adorbs! The only reason it’s on the bottom of our list is because it also features an apron with some fake money. Tips should be welcomed, but NEVER expected Melissa & Doug. Shame on you!