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2024 Will Be the Year All My Issues Work Themselves Out on Their Own

2023 has been the worst year of my life, slightly beating out 2022, which surpassed 2021. Actually, now that I think about it, every year seems to be incrementally worse than the year before. Not 2024 though! I vow to make 2024 the year I sit back and watch all my problems simply sort themselves out on their own.

And hoo boy, do I have a laundry list of issues that need to get right real quick. Thank god I have a PS5 and pot to distract me in the meantime because it’s going to take some serious time for this sinking ship to right itself.

The first problem I hope works itself out is this excruciating toothache I’ve had for weeks now. I’ve been chewing on the other side of my mouth like they said to do on Reddit, so it’s only a matter of time before it just sort of goes away on its own. I would go to a dentist, but that would just create even more problems after they find a bunch of cavity-riddled teeth I’ve been neglecting. 2023, I’m looking at you to come through in the clutch.

Next up, relationship issues. Every person I date seems to end it with me prematurely after months of doing the bare minimum and also finding out I’ve been fooling around with someone else. It’s something that needs to change fast. Hopefully, 2024 is the year I don’t get caught cheating on any of my partners. Infidelity is just so embarrassing for me personally.

It’d also be great if none of my coworkers hated my ever-living guts anymore. Sure, I regularly throw them under the bus to make myself look good, but I only do that behind closed doors. After all, this is capitalism. I have to do what’s right for me and coincidentally wrong for Kevin in sales. That’s how it works, right? Hopefully, 2024 is the year I get that promotion after surviving the last 12 months of being on another bullshit probation for insubordination.

2024, let’s fucking go. I’m seriously ready for a change. New year, new me, minimal effort! I just hope my life turns around by the time I’m done playing Spider-man.