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10 Sexy Cop Costumes That Say: “No, I Wasn’t on Twitter in 2020, Why What Happened?”

It’s almost time for Whore-o-ween, and apparently you are considering dressing as a sexy law enforcement officer. We think that’s a great idea: after all, what could be sexier than America’s police force, a benevolent and uncontested system that we’re pretty sure has not been in the news at all in the past 3 years. What’s that? We are being told to check our Twitter feed, which hasn’t been refreshed since the Obama inauguration. Uh-oh—we have to say, this is not looking good. Like, really not good. Well, we already started this list, so here are some sexy cop outfits that say, “take a look at my hot ass,” and, a few seconds later, “this is the first I’m hearing of all that.”

The Catsuit Cop

This cleavage-bearing catsuit takes a flirty spin on America’s policing system, and will have you going: “Sorry, what protests? Seriously, I was in a coma from 2009 to 2023. Can someone explain?” It also comes with a fully loaded gun.

The Male Bondage Cop

We’re loving this hot and dangerous costume that we think was legitimately made for BDSM. This male lingerie cop suit says: “Wow, I am truly sorry to hear about the events of 2020 and beyond. As a side note, I can’t help but feel the slightest bit awkward learning about police brutality in latex.”

The Schoolgirl Cop

Nothing says “What’d I miss?” like a school girl-cop combo fit. As we always say, the only thing sexier than looking like a police officer is somehow also looking like an underage girl.

The Blue Cop

This one’s blue. Is that better? No? Well shit, what else are you supposed to go as? A sexy social worker? Something about that just doesn’t hit the same.

The Potentially Real Cop

This one is just your uncle’s old cop uniform that you can wear in confidence as long as you had on noise-canceling headphones while he was telling his stories. As an added spooky twist, everyone will be legitimately scared when you come to their door.

The Couples Cop

This sweethearts’ cop fit will show all party-goers that while neither you nor your significant other seem to have been watching the news much, you do have an extremely high sex drive.

The Couples Cop + Incarcerated

This one is just like the previous costume, except this time you also get to flex the strange power dynamic going on in your relationship, as well as make further lighthearted commentary on America’s prison system.

The Vampire Cop?

I don’t know, we’re running out of ideas here, and since it is absolutely necessary that you go as a cop for Halloween and not literally anything else, just throw on some vampire fangs and pretend it’s a political statement.

The Wild West Cop

If the current climate of police brutality is getting in the way of your costume’s reception, you might as well take it back to the good old days of policing: 1861.

The Positive Message

Since you can’t seem to avoid opening a difficult conversation with your well-meaning sexy interpretation of the police, here’s a costume that’ll be sure to lighten the mood. This one is just a sign that says “All Lives Matter.” Now how could you go wrong with this positive-sounding message that bears no further implication than its literal meaning?