It’s nine o’clock on a Saturday, which is the time of the week I get particularly randy. My name is Bob Powell, and I have…
CHARLESTON, S.C. — Estranged husband and wife lifestyle influencer couple known as “The Wilsons” announced they had reconciled and agreed to stay together for the…
WHEELING, W. Va. — Local conservative Jerry Wardmore repeatedly stated that Vice President Kamala Harris’ proposed ban on grocery price-gouging is “downright communist” despite complaining…
A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, kinks were very much alive and well. The struggle against the Empire is so all-consuming…
RICHMOND, Va. — Banished Scumdogs of the Universe and legendary heavy metal band GWAR are reportedly planning on releasing a limited edition custom bidet that…
CAMBRIDGE, Mass. — Scientists at M.I.T’s prestigious Zoom Studies Lab reportedly identified the first online meeting to begin without terrible, meaningless small talk. “Observations on…
It’s 2024. Inflation has hit all aspects of the economy, corporate layoffs continue in mass, and Red Lobster’s bottomless shrimp option has effectively help them…
RICHMOND, Va. – The nation’s coworkers reportedly resolved to hold an extended conversation in the general area outside the employee bathroom at the exact time…
To quote President Joe Biden, we’re in uncharted territory. The 2024 presidential election is shaping up to be one of the most unorthodox races in…
Meet Kevin Buchanan, a self-identifying feminist ally who also holds the record for the most hours that someone has ever spent watching Tik Toks of…
The abacus. The dodo bird. The shopping mall. It’s natural for aspects of everyday life to become extinct. Luckily, your father refuses to shop online,…
CENTRAL GAZA — Israeli government officials confirmed that the bombing of a UN school in Gaza, which was carried out using munitions from the United…
After celebrating another engagement within my friend group, I realized that there was something missing in my life. So I decided it was time to…
Nothing brings me more pleasure and a sense of purpose in this world than serving my country. Even if that means having to travel to…
FORT LAUDERDALE, Fla. — Punk-owned and operated food bank Rise Above has suddenly become a beacon of hope for a local community, due mostly to…