Patrick Coyne, Author at HARDTIMES

September 21, 2023

DURHAM, N.C. — Allegedly ill punk Tommy Donnelly has taken to his deathbed, which is also his roommate’s used futon,…

August 20, 2023

CATONSVILLE, Md. — Local punk and terrible uncle Chris Middleton was genuinely unsure if his 5-year-old nephew might be too…

August 18, 2023

WASHINGTON — Former President Donald Trump announced that he is now just one indictment away from receiving a free, six-inch…

July 27, 2023

LOS ANGELES — Phoebe Bridgers’ fans were overjoyed recently after it was announced the indie artist will spend her upcoming…

June 30, 2023

LONDON — King Charles recently decided enough time has finally passed to have the Queen’s beloved corgis formally executed in…

May 23, 2023

RALEIGH, N.C. — Local punk Tommy Whitehead nearly caught an indecent exposure rap but was saved by a solitary, barely…

May 19, 2023

It’s finally happened, Millennials. Younger generations have discovered and repackaged our early 2000s indie subculture (which itself was already a…

May 14, 2023

CHESTERFIELD, Mich. — Local siblings recently came to the awkward conclusion that one of them needs to tell their mom…

May 11, 2023

NEW YORK — Indie pop icons The Magnetic Fields are putting the final touches on their latest album, with plans…

May 8, 2023

MINNEAPOLIS — British comedy fan Gary Snell is in shock after his date failed to pick up on his reference…