PROVIDENCE, R.I. — Severely hungover barista Carrie Potenza is in significantly more pain thanks to her manager’s insistence on playing Animal Collective, dehydrated sources confirmed.…
INDIANOLA, Iowa — Millennial Jenny Fang was sorely mistaken in thinking five days at her parent’s over Christmas would be enough time to solve the…
PORTLAND, Maine — Frugal punk, and self-described “hopeless romantic,” Tyler Castaneda recently devised a scheme to save money by dating the woman who sells him…
Ay Caramba! Did “The Simpsons” again predict the future? One eagle-eyed viewer believes he spotted a truly unnerving and possibly earth-shattering new prediction in a…
SHERIDAN, Wyo. — Elder millennial Connor Allison suffered an existential crisis upon realizing the actor playing a “geriatric old fart” in one of his favorite…
LOS ANGELES — Hardboiled detective Rex Lawson intends to solve a murder conspiracy involving wealthy elites, and possibly the city comptroller, just as soon as…
RICHMOND, Va. — Shock rockers GWAR admitted recently that despite decades of dousing their fans in bodily fluids, none of it compares to Dave Matthews…
SAN ANTONIO — Local punk Issah Rooney is taking advantage of Governor Abbott’s cruel and inhumane policy of busing migrants to northern US cities by…
RIO RANCHO, N.M. — Self-proclaimed Marvel mega fan Devin Hume was shocked and outraged after seeing legendary filmmaker Jean-Luc Godard’s obituary featured absolutely no post-credit…
LOS ANGELES – Nefarious rockstars Kid Rock, Ted Nugent, Marilyn Manson, and Gene Simmons combined forces to become the world’s preeminent supervillain group, suspicious sources…
HENNEPIN COUNTY, Minn. — The largely unsupervised Peanuts gang has finally called Child Protective Services on the parents of their unhygienic and destitute classmate Pigpen.…
INDIANAPOLIS — Local asshole Brodie Mccaffery had the audacity to burden his work friend Dianne Lin with 100% free, no strings attached concert tickets, multiple…
WHITTIER, Calif. — Three roommates in southern California enacted extreme water rationing measures to avoid being the one having to refill their shared Brita filter,…
ORLANDO, Fla. — Disney-obsessed middle-aged man Sebastian Werner is to be tried as a minor after allegedly assaulting several guests at the happiest place on…
SOMERSET, Mass. — Local cool boss Kirk Rayner chose a Cameo video from Creed singer Scott Stapp to inform his employees there will be no…