NASSAU, N.Y. — Local parents and staunch anti-vaxxers Shannon and Dane Wittle will promote their youngest child Ayden to the position of oldest child following…
KALAMAZOO, Mich. — Margery Watson’s annual Mother’s Day breakfast-in-bed was obstructed by her unsightly ventilator due to complications from an advanced case of COVID-19, depressed…
Our country is teetering on the brink of oblivion. Governments are looking to dismantle our very way of life and revoke our rights from under…
HEBRON, Ky. — Longtime Amazon fulfillment center worker Jayce Sheffield will use a combination of their accrued sick and vacation hours to attend their own…
WASHINGTON — A select group of centrist moderate Democrats are in talks to cooperate with COVID-19 on a path towards giving both parties what they…
PORTLAND, Ore. — Local man Wendell Slacks, who has consistently boasted throughout the years about how proud he is to not own a TV, looks…
Caring for one’s mental health can be a challenge in the 21st century. With all of the modern world’s stressors and stimuli, it’s not hard…
LOS ANGELES — Ethically non-monogamous couples around the world announced today that open relationships will be closed indefinitely to help ensure social distancing in response…
MACON, Ga. — Local Civil War reenactor, blogger, and aspiring mass shooter Randolph Cunningham was forced to go door to door yesterday to find victims…
WASHINGTON — A large, bi-partisan coalition of U.S. Senators disclosed moments ago that they’d been avoiding Sen. Rand Paul long before his recent COVID-19 diagnosis.…
Cannibal Corpse is just as known for their provocative album covers as they are for their music. Due to our intense masochism, we ranked every…
It’s hard not to feel like we are approaching the end times. With the world on the verge of a global pandemic, life seems more…
Let’s get one thing straight. I didn’t come here to make friends. I’m here for one thing and one thing only. I’m your goddamn service…
SEATTLE — Local promoter Josh Ward who was wildly optimistic about their audience’s willingness to “pay what you can” was left sorely disappointed following a…
SINGAPORE — Local heroine and seven-months-pregnant woman Candace Xiao willingly and graciously offered her seat to some dude wearing Chucks during her commute on the…