ENCINO, Calif. — Local punk and cannabis enjoyer Lulu Alazraqui will almost certainly not take her first 4/20 bong rip any earlier than 4:27pm PST,…
SEATTLE — Chronic back-pain sufferer Delaney Edwards is giving serious thought to the polyamorous lifestyle after realizing it could lead to intensely thrilling experiences like…
SOUTHBURY, Conn. — Local urban legend The Southbury Slasher could not complete his annual killing spree last week when his chosen victims couldn’t have sex…
ANAHEIM, Calif. — Local sandwich artist Allison Kim’s spacious, work-issued polo shirt did little to block a well-known customer’s intense, sexually-charged leer, according to uncomfortable…
MISSOULA, Mont. — Local man David Baker’s ever-growing rat tail has reached a length that “definitely soaks it in the toilet bowl when he sits…
SACRAMENTO — Local woman Lena Wright was charged with resisting arrest yesterday for fighting back against the armed, plainclothes rapist and city employee who attempted…
Hey, Hometown Crush Who Peaked in High School Here, Just Sliding Into Your DMs to Say “Not All Cops”
Hey, Hometown Crush Who Peaked in High School Here, Just Sliding Into Your DMs to Say “Not All Cops”
Yesterday, 1:26pm Hey, remember me lol it’s been a while! Yesterday, 1:29pm Thought about you the other day when I ran a stop sign on…
CHICAGO — A small group of household objects joined together last night to escape an impending and prolonged fucking by the “insatiable lady of the…
LOS ANGELES — A woman protesting the killings of Breonna Taylor and George Floyd died of natural causes moments after she attacked a police baton…
LOS ANGELES — Racism made a shocking comeback today after it was previously believed defeated by the Blackout Tuesday social media campaign yesterday, according to…
The billionaire chairman and CEO of World Wrestling Entertainment, and honestly still a pretty good meme format, Vince McMahon has been in the news a…
SANTA MONICA, Calif. — Following the order to continue sheltering in place for the next 30 days, local woman Autumn Adkins will battle the deadly…
Now that I’m stuck at home I’m losing my mind from boredom. I can only spend so many hours a day watching movies, playing my…
PORTLAND, Ore. — Local man Nate Bolgren was completely unaware that the woman he attempted to flirt with yesterday on his evening commute home had…
With the 2020 election cycle heating up, it’s impossible to go a single day without hearing about Bernie Sanders, the “progressive” who promises to radically…