Do you feel a lack of energy, motivation, and general wellness in your life? Sheeple out there will tell you this is due to tangible…
In the 1890’s, Ivan Pavlov discovered that he could cause dogs to salivate at his command by associating food with the ringing of a bell.…
SANTA BARBARA, Calif. — An independent adult film company has achieved a new level of realism in lesbian pornography with their latest feature-length video of…
Halloween is the punkest time of the year thanks to AFI and Danzig and not really anyone else. So we at The Hard Times decided…
SAYREVILLE, N.J. — Local guitarist Micah Verney ducked out of a job interview earlier today to record an idea for an amateurish riff using the…
This is a really great shop you have here, you know? I love stopping at Into the Woods Literature to find new ideas that really…
OXFORD, England — An android created by the Oxford Department of Engineering has reportedly worried incessantly since the mid-’90s that it accidentally hurt Radiohead singer…
NEW YORK — NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell held a press conference at NFL Headquarters to announce that their terrifying new video game NFL Dating Simulator…
COLUMBUS, Ohio — Pasty white guy Michael Stephenson alarmed friends and loved ones by vocalizing that he had absolutely no interest in visiting Japan, disturbed…
The Hard Times needed a win. Facebook has been choking our traffic, and our fans won’t stop tagging their friends in our posts saying “You…
Ok, I admit it. I never assumed anyone would actually take me up on my Facebook post encouraging friends to message me if they were…
CAMBRIDGE, Mass. — Scientists at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology’s Department of Physics announced today the theoretical discovery of the fifth sequence of the energy/alcohol…
TRENTON, N.J. — Local music fan and extreme demophobe Sally Englund had an unexpectedly pleasant experience last night at her boyfriend’s empty, indie-folk gig, thanks…
BROOKLYN — Two patients waiting in the Dr. Smiles dentist office were seen wearing the same shirt featuring Canadian tech-death band Cryptopsy, but showed no…
BURLINGTON, Vt. — A copy of Dean Koontz’s “The Good Guy” was found beaten and battered on a local bookshelf yesterday, while a copy of…