HARDTIMES

January 3, 2022

PURCHASE, N.Y. — Local woman Elle Rice winced this morning while waiting for her black coffee refill as the song…

July 11, 2021

ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. — Local man Gabriel Danforth is plagued with uncertainty about whether his 13-month-old Skullcandy headphones are broken after…

April 6, 2021

RALEIGH, N.C. — Local woman Anne Al-Mandeel discovered last week that, in a whirlwind twist, her stand-up comedian ex-boyfriend is…

February 26, 2021

DULUTH, Minn. — Local determined man Chris Vazquez went overboard Tuesday evening when he ate an entire bag of Lay’s…

January 24, 2021

OCEAN CITY, Md. — Once-financially secure woman Laura Pelligro reportedly spent all of her life savings in a five-minute trip…

January 11, 2021

HYANNIS, Mass. — Local woman and generally uncertain person Anne Levy is on a desperate quest to validate her supposed…

November 27, 2020

OMAHA, Neb. — Local basement party host and neurotic mess Eloise Krantz destroyed everything in her path Saturday night while…

September 30, 2020

HYANNIS, Mass. — Local man Kenny Gomez was outed as a “fucking liar” on Tuesday evening upon telling a pharmacy…

August 10, 2020

ARDMORE, Pa. — Small-town guitarist Aaron Haze removed yet another tab from his PBR tallboy moments ago while skirting around…

June 15, 2020

WICHITA, Kan. — Local hopeful woman Alex Ginelli spent her free time yesterday attempting to better herself by reading descriptions…