I’m so tired of these supposed healthcare professionals thinking that they’re qualified to judge me just because of their fancy “degrees” and industry-recognized “expertise.” How…
Hurray! You’ve finally saved enough money working your shitty nine-to-five and numerous side hustles to afford a house. Your dad always said you were a…
HOUSTON — Local Make-A-Wish kid Harvey Larkin, who has a rare degenerative disease that will certainly put an end to his short, unfulfilled life, realized…
These fucking hypocrites at this church make me sick. Each week a sermon is interrupted by another rowdy kid screaming, throwing things, or shitting their…
SURREY, England — Musician Eric Clapton surprised everyone by announcing that his 1992 hit song “Tears in Heaven” is now about the Messiah’s despair that…
LAS VEGAS – Former football star and accused double-murderer OJ Simpson took one last instinctual swipe at a blonde nurse standing nearby just before taking…
MILFORD, Del. — Local punk band The Vengeful Squirts were visibly more upset over the cost to park their van at Kindred Memorial Hospital than…
GARDEN CITY, Kan. — Local singer of punk band Salmonella Handjob surprised a crowd recently by holding their replacement drummer up by the scruff of…
OTTAWA — Local office employee Keith Nolan reported that he finally achieved the ultimate work-life balance by deciding to drink at work, according to witnesses…
Dearest Katie, It pains me to have to write you this since we’ve spent so much time together over the past few months, but alas,…
BLOOMINGTON, Ind. — Local sexual deviant Glen O’Roarke wished the performers at the Cabaret Tease Burlesque Show would hurry up and get naked already because…
The 90s were a simpler time. No smartphones. No social media. And the best way to hear updates on the Oasis-Blur rivalry was from Carson…
I’m usually a pretty laid-back guy and take things as they come, but it’s tough putting trust in my new Otolaryngologist. While I was doing…
GAINESVILLE, Fla. — A new episode of the hit HGTV series “House Hunters” is being applauded for its realism after a millennial couple on the…
MIAMI — A local couple working from home was reported that they were left with no choice but to start sleeping with one another, according…