ALTOONA, Penn. — Jake Fitzgerald Jr. reportedly hung a printout of his father’s latest meme on the fridge this afternoon as a token of pride…
BURBANK, Calif. — A recent leak of production assets from Avengers: Endgame revealed an unused post-credits scene in which Capcom characters assemble and beat the…
CLEVELAND — Local hardcore band Anaheim Mighty Fucks can’t wait to introduce its “kick-ass” new drummer at the memorial show to commemorate Evan Silva, the…
ELM STREET — Serial killer Freddy Krueger has waited thirty hours for local teenager Michael Thompson to end his Fortnite marathon and “go to fucking…
BUFFALO, N.Y. — Punk band Dump Cumsters finally gained entry into Canada this morning after nine hours of explaining to border agents that their Canadian…
SANTA ANA, Calif. — The latest update to RPG Maker MV will improve the title by quietly deleting it for users a week after installation,…
ERIE, Pa. — Punk sales associate Courtney Cruz is refusing to start her six-hour shift at Target until the store “actually fills up a little…
LANSING, Mich. — Local man Jerry Schmidt celebrated his birthday yesterday, and with it, another year of his favorite music and movies losing their cultural…
SEATTLE — Amazon’s “Echo Chamber,” a next-generation smart speaker, will enable reaffirmation of users’ most dreadful opinions from anywhere in the house, company personnel revealed…
PITTSBURGH — High school English teacher Dennis Schneider disregarded yesterday’s lesson on George Orwell’s dystopian classic 1984 in favor of “rocking the hell out” to…
Listen here, delusional nutjobs. I’m a truth-seeker, a human lie detector, a call-em-as-I-see-them… er. So when I see people blaming Bush for 9/11 I’m left…
BUFFALO, N.Y. — Crust-punk presidential candidate Leo “Swamp” Marsh revealed plans today to slash employment opportunities during an impassioned campaign speech held in vacant hotel…
MOTAVIA — Renowned linguist and political activist Noam Chomsky has discovered that the people of “Phantasy Star IV” have demonstrated an equally disparaging reaction to…
CHICAGO — Mortal Kombat developer NetherRealm Studios issued an apology this morning for a tweet on the company’s official feed that appeared to make light…
VALLEY STREAM, N.Y. — Suggesting you “could definitely put it to good use,” your dad reminded you this morning that you are “free to take”…