Granola Bar and Three Beers Before Show Considered Dinner
ASHEVILLE, N.C. — Local punk Shannon Kildare adheres to a unique, and potentially damaging, meal regimen of a granola bar…
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Anna Walsh — Page 2
29 stories found
Being Empty For Year Somehow Made Reopened Venue Smell Worse
SPRINGFIELD, Mass. — Staff and audience members at the newly reopened Cherry Pit reported a puzzling stench that may be…
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These Cops Were Offered the Chance to Commit Murder Now or Have Two Marshmallows Later and You’ll Be Pretty Unsurprised by the Results
Here at The Hard Times, we’re always trying to push science into new frontiers. We thought the Stanford marshmallow experiment…
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We Sat Down With the Kid Who Got Expelled for Killing a Dog in Junior High Because He Pulled Us Over and Took Us Downtown
On our way to complete an interview for a deadline that passed a couple weeks ago, Johnny 5-0 decided to…
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Trump Asks Supreme Court to Stop Counting Coronavirus Deaths While They’re At It
WASHINGTON — Sitting President Donald Trump approached the highest court in the United States to demand that votes stop being…
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Quarantine Produces Unprecedented Spike in DIY Danzig Costumes
HOUSTON — Locked-down towns across America are seeing record levels of citizens dressing up as famed frontman Glenn Danzig following…
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Cashier Who Doesn’t Get Paid Enough to Stop Shoplifting Considering Getting Into It Themself
CICERO, Ill. — Underpaid Target cashier and generally exhausted person Paolo Morte is considering getting into stealing goods from his…
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There Are Plenty of Good Cops, I Know Several From My Dog Fighting Ring
I’ve heard a lot of my fellow Americans question the moral compass and general decency of the fine men and…
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Punk House With No Puzzles Just Going to Use Smashed Window
CARSON CITY, Nev. — Local quarantined woman Laura Lamont found a creative way to stay busy indoors yesterday by repurposing…
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We Sat Down With Santa to Get Some Tips About Successfully Breaking and Entering
This holiday season, we here at The Hard Times wanted to offer our audience something nice. With all those expensive…
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