PHILADELPHIA — Local 39-year-old Dwight Jenkins went on a series of tirades decrying “Gen Z’s endless string of luck” and is a little jealous that they have real fascists to stand up to, confirmed sources.
“I’m hella livid!” said Jenkins between mouthfuls of avocado toast. “We had Bush. He was like a joke but all he did was use 9/11 as an excuse to bomb the wrong country, and that was it. No fascism or nothing! Now they have literal Nazis running around the White House making legislation. Lucky Gen Z bastards! You remember campy Troma classics like ‘Surf Nazis Must Die’? Well that’s just everyday life for Gen Z. This generation is so privileged to be born into the perfect historical timeline.”
Gen Z influencer Jace Blaze repeatedly called out Jenkins’ tirades as “cringe.”
“They’re all a bunch of whiny nepo babies who failed to launch and have this chip on their shoulder about the Great Recession,” said Blaze. “Look, I get it. ‘08 wasn’t a good time to graduate from college. But my generation doesn’t just have FOMO, we literally missed out on all sorts of meaningful real life stuff because of Covid lockdowns. Millennials talk about not having kids because they can’t afford to, we talk about not having kids because the climate is destroyed and the Trump regime thinks most of us are disposable NPCs. Y’all better hope Gen Z antifa warlords clean up this mess A$AP Rocky.”
Ace Emicson, Emeritus Chair of the Ross School of Social Anthropology for Boston University’s satellite campus in Shreveport, knew all too well about this issue.
“It’s not often that a generation uses the ‘back in my day’ line but follows that with how much easier they had it,” said Emicson. “Typically, older generations—your Greatest Gen, Silent Gen, Boomers, Xers, Xennials—just want to complain how much harder things were for them. On the other hand, these Millennial activists have every right to be pissed that they were born in the wrong generation. Hell, the only thing they had to rise up against was when Fox News criticized Obama for wearing a tan suit.”
At press time, Jenkins released a new TikTok video called “Gen Z never had to grind like us.”