BOISE, Idaho — Independent thinker and free spirit Bodun Haze became mysteriously defensive when conversation at a house party shifted away from his latest yoga retreat and towards how exactly he financed his lifestyle, sources confirmed.
“That’s exactly the kind of superficial question society has us asking each other. Capitalism has destroyed our ability to connect with each other,” Haze, 34, real name Theodore Smithfield, said after brusquely leaving a group of his peers. “Step back and look at the bigger picture. I’m a human being not an ATM. Life’s about inner change, not small change. All of this focus on monetary matters indicates a profound lack of wellness in the human spirit. For those that insist on asking how I live: I like to think I live for my art.”
A witness to the exchange said things got rather heated when attendees continued to press Haze on how, exactly, he paid the bills while still having the time and money to travel most of the year.
“The whole zen vibe really started to go downhill at that point,” said Jane Rowe, who works two jobs and lives paycheck to paycheck. “We didn’t mean any harm. He was just so adamant about how we were wasting our lives being part of the ‘rat race’ that we were curious how it was possible to have such a nice apartment and a vacation home in Utah. Eventually he just burst into tears, saying we sounded just like his parents, pushing and pushing him to make something of himself. He wound up locking himself in the bathroom to call his ‘guru.’ We still didn’t get an answer. Maybe he got hit by a city bus when he was a kid and he’s still getting paid out for that.”
The wellness guru in question, Cthulo Remar, said people ought to be more conscientious of people’s auras when discussing personal finances.
“It really messes with one’s energy when people fixate on trivial things like trust funds or allowances or stock portfolios. I like to believe that one’s true value lies within” said Remar. “These things don’t define my clien– I mean my brothers and sisters in love. There is so much more to them than their exorbitant wealth. It’s just a happy coincidence that the most beautiful souls I’ve met also have the biggest bank accounts.”
At press time, Haze’s state has mellowed after drinking some ayahuasca and booking a trip to Cambodia.