I think I finally found my career: touring musician! It’s been a long, strange path, but I have put in years of work, and it’s about to pay off. I was sitting up against the wall of my mom’s basement, eating day-old pizza, trying to get my shit together. I looked at my pile of blankets and pillows on the cement floor, my guitar with five of its six strings on, and the collection of empty 40s piled up in the corner–then it dawned on me: I am meant to be on tour!
I remember a guidance counselor once saying that a career isn’t just a job, but it’s a lifestyle. I’ve been practicing the tour lifestyle for all of my teens and most of my 20s. What makes me a “loser” here in the eyes of my friends, family, and most of society will make me a winner out on the road. See, on tour, as long as you play a few notes every night in front of 2-12 people, then you automatically have the excuse to live how I live. I am no stranger to asking random people to crash at their place, and as a band, they feel cool saying yes! Not like Brandon. Fuckin’ Brandon, made me move out after two months because I wasn’t “paying rent nor contributing anything whatsoever to the household.”
Well, the joke is on you Brandon because Clay is coming on tour with me. We are forming a duo, “Acoustic Alchemists,” and we are going to figure it out as we go. Clay said something about supporting me in doing anything but what I was already doing (which is basically just living to party), I don’t know, I wasn’t really listening to him because I am the leader of this band. But it’s going to be great. We will hopefully make a little scratch too, and I won’t even have to ask my step dad for beer money. It’s a win-win! And the drugs I have been buying with money from my mom’s change jar? Not a problem anymore! People love to give bands free drugs on tour. I am almost certain I will get smoked out most nights.
I really hope everyone out there reading has the same realization I did if you are struggling. My message is: don’t try too hard. Craft the career you want for yourself. Practice the lifestyle first, and everything else will fall into place. Clay and I just have to figure out the transportation part of this plan, but his family is loaded, so I bet his grandpa will let him use his van. The guy is senile and doesn’t drive anyway–hopefully he forgot and left some cash in there.