January 2021 - Page 17 of 17

Inconsiderate Roommate Drinks Last Beer in Fridge, Fucks Your Girlfriend

James Knapp • January 2, 2021

LEMOYNE, Penn. — Roommate and all-around jackass Glen Sullivan reportedly drank the last beer in the house moments after having…

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Top Five Zeppelin Albums According To the Guy Our Mom’s Kind of Dating

Patrick Crooks • January 2, 2021

Whether you’re my mom’s ex-boyfriend or the guy my mom is currently sort of seeing Led Zeppelin has had an…

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Local Band Can’t Believe It’s Been 10 Months Since They Last Played to Two Friends and a Hostage Bartender

John Danek • January 2, 2021

FREDERICK, Md. — Longtime punk band Booger Eater realized yesterday that it’s been over 10 months since they occupied a…

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Elon Musk Unveils New Single Person Hyperloop

Doug Francisco • January 1, 2021

AMIGARA — In a press conference today, Boring Company founder Elon Musk unveiled the latest redesign of his Hyperloop transportation…

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Opinion: Unfriend Me RIGHT NOW if You’re Literally Yolanda Saldívar, the Woman Who Shot Selena

Jimmy Adamson • January 1, 2021

If you are reading this right now and your name is Yolanda Saldívar… FUCK. YOU. You literally MURDERED beloved singer/songwriter/spokesperson/businesswoman/…

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New Year’s Resolution Knows It’s No Match for Cocaine

Ryan Danley • January 1, 2021

LOS ANGELES — Local fuckup Jerry Millwater’s 2021 New Year’s resolution of “practice more self-care” is concerned about its upcoming…

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My New Year’s Resolution Is To Learn One New Machine Gun Kelly Song on Guitar Every Month

Kevin Tit • January 1, 2021

There’s a reason Machine Gun Kelly’s album "Tickets To My Downfall" debuted as number one on the Billboard charts. And,…

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meatloaf, i would do anything for love, that

Meat Loaf Appalled to Learn Millennials Willing to Do THAT for Love

Michael De Toffoli • January 1, 2021

CALABASAS, Calif. — 73-year-old Wagnerian rock legend Michael “Meat Loaf” Aday was appalled to learn yesterday that Millennials have accepted…

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